The Importance of Celebrating Progress

Marla and Kerry

Marla and Kerry

This month I’ve succeeded in an important goal and I want to invite you to celebrate with me. With my colleague, Marla Solomon, Director of Partnership Programs for Five Colleges, I am co-author of a chapter for the book, Managing in the Social Sector: Strategies for Advancing Human Dignity and Social Justice. The chapter shares the scholarship and research behind the Women’s Leadership Circle of Vermont model and the positive impact it is having on the women leaders who have participated. We have been researching the efficacy of the circles and analyzing since 2011 what makes them work so well. I also presented our findings at the Global Conference of the International Leadership Association this past fall, and it was a huge honor to contribute to the field of leadership on an international level. Marlboro College Center for New Leadership, my organizational partner in offering the WLC program around the state, hosted a book launch party for me in January, and I noticed how re-energized I am. It has me curious about the importance of celebration of milestones in one’s life.

I notice that as a person who works for herself, there aren’t any big company celebrations or regular work colleagues I see daily with whom I can share success. This book launch party was a reminder of how important it is to have people witness and celebrate achievements. For me, it was a chance to pause and reflect on how far I’ve come with the Women’s Leadership Circles program since the first circle in 2011. It helped change my mindset. I’ve never thought of myself as a researcher-type, yet here is my work in a graduate- level academic book. It has helped me to change how I see myself, and I now have a new touchstone for accomplishing something that I thought might not be possible for me. It felt good! My husband and daughters gave me flowers at the event, and it was great to have them recognize this achievement. (For all you armchair neuroscientists-that was the dopamine release). It fueled my energy. I feel recommitted to the importance and impact that the Women’s Leadership Circles are having on the state of Vermont, and I can feel myself wanting to double down and move to the next phase of work. I was also told it inspired them. Several people came up to me sharing how it got them energized and excited about going back to their circles. Celebrating success can reconnect us to purpose and meaning.

In my work as an executive coach, I frequently support clients in goal-setting. I always ask people, what they will do when they accomplish their goal? What are the milestones they want to mark along the way and how will they celebrate? I often receive the comment that “accomplishing the goal is reward enough.” But the research says differently. It really does matter for a number of reasons.

  1. It helps us self-reflect on where we have come from and where we are heading.
  2. It helps create a success mindset.
  3. It feels good.
  4. It energizes and builds motivation for future endeavors.
  5. It creates a positive environment that inspires others.

Taking the time to celebrate has been critically important to completing this cycle of work, from the inception of the idea to having the book chapter published. Off to have a glass of champagne now!

Book Review: Aung San Suu Kyi’s “Freedom from Fear” Speech (1990)

Aung San Suu Kyi

Having just returned from the B Corp* Champions Retreat in Philadelphia, I’m going to deviate from my typical book review format and instead offer a speech that was discussed at the Retreat. Each year the conference organizers select a speech designed to invite us to pause, deeply reflect and be inspired by courageous leaders in the world, and then discuss it in small groups. This year’s selection was

Aung San Suu Kyi’s “Freedom from Fear” Speech (1990)

Aung San Suu Kyi led the National League for Democracy (NLD) to a majority win in Myanmar’s first open elections in 25 years in 2015. The win came five years to the day since she was released from 15 years of house arrest. In 1991 she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for or her non-violent struggle for democracy and human rights.. Suu Kyi asks us to look at at least one of the root causes of exclusion – fear, and invites us to consider what is required of each of us to rise about our most base emotions to live into our highest aspirations. The text is a short three pages and offers a different cultural lens with which to look at the human condition. I believe her message, written over 25 years ago from another context, is very relevant to understanding our current US political arena.

*My business, Watershed Coaching, LLC is a certified B Corp– a Benefit corporation committed to business being a force for good.

Moving From Theory to Action: Curious vs. Convinced

ACT

To support you in deepening your curiosity with those who hold different views from you, I offer some questions reprinted with permission by my friend and colleague, Howard Ross. These come from his company’s resource guide: Inclusive Responses in Times of Fear. See this and other resources on cookross.com.

 1. How do you feel about people who think differently than you about this?

2. What are you afraid of? What is more inspiring to you than fear?

3. How can you engage in these conversations authentically and whole-heartedly? What might get in the way?

4. What are you committed to? How do you see your role/contribution in any conversations or actions?

5. What is your desired outcome for these conversations?

Curious vs. Convinced

replace-fear-with-curiosity

I’m going to go out on a limb and talk about politics. This presidential election season has been hard for me. The name calling, rudeness, and divisiveness of this campaign has me disheartened, and I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. I just can’t wait for it to be over. The major media outlets including The Huffington Post, The Atlantic and even Fox News are writing about how to manage election stress. It feels like the negative election energy is seeping into our pores, and to try to prevent that, we armor up and get rigid in our views and stay in our camps of righteousness in order to not feel the fear, and the pain of not understanding one another. Yet I don’t want to harden myself against half the population. That feels like a very high cost to us as a nation, and I’m in the inquiry of how to hold my dignity and the dignity of others through this election period.

“I’m right, they’re idiots” is what it boils down to in our political dialogue, not only with the candidates but also how we look at our neighbors, colleagues and family members who disagree with us. Recently I’ve been thinking, “Where do I go from here? How do I get out of this righteous mindset?” Rather than convince myself more that my side is right, how might I open the door to curiosity instead? Jonathan Haidt, author of The Righteous Mind, Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion (click to his fascinating 19-minute TED Talk) offers a path of understanding. He explains that reasoning with others doesn’t work because our beliefs are based more deeply than that. He asserts that there are six fundamental ideas that commonly undergird moral systems: care, fairness, liberty, loyalty, authority and sanctity. Republicans and Democrats vote based on these moral interests, and how they weight each in importance tends to define their vote.

For me, this premise helps me to be a bit more curious and less judgmental. Fundamentally, I believe that fear is a prominent driver in our life, as our brains are hardwired to sense danger and to protect. And if we fear that our moral values are at stake we will fight to protect them. In this case, fighting is the rhetoric we hear in the election arena. But instead of fighting the Other, if I can understand the fear behind others’ view I can then find a place where I can connect with them– what do they fear losing? What are the values they hold dear? It doesn’t mean I’m negating my views, but for a few moments, it allows me to pause and connect with their humanity and mine. Haidt’s research helps make it more concrete for me.

This topic feels risky for me to put out here, and as I reread it, I know that I risk being misunderstood, or considered preachy, naïve or something else. But ultimately I want to share the value in upholding the dignity of all, which is sometimes lost in the Red versus Blue war. If it serves as one small drop in the well toward understanding and healing, then it will have been worth it.

Book Review: Everyday Bias

Everyday Bias

By: Howard Ross

Howard is a dear friend and colleague, and I am glad to have the opportunity to share this book with you as it delves into the neuroscience of our own bias and how to work with it in a work environment and our personal lives. This book is filled with powerful examples and research on unconscious bias that draws you in and gets you more curious about how our mind operates.

From sports, to healthcare, music, and power in our society, Howard navigates us through these charged topics without shaming anyone, and offers ways that we can individually and organizationally begin to explore and work with our bias. It’s an eye-opening book that leaves me hopeful in times when we need it. Sending a prayer for the victims of Orlando and the countless numbers of those before them. May we each contribute in some small way today toward creating a more caring and kind world.

water-shed (watr'shed') Noun: a critical point that marks a division or change of course; a turning point — © 2014 WatershedCoaching. All rights reserved.