How Far Are You in Your 4000 Weeks Toward Death?
Making It Matter
Hung on my wall is a new poster, “The Weeks of My Life.” I’m definitely over two-thirds filled and it serves as a reminder of the limited time in my life. This would be assuming an “average” lifespan of about 80 years, which we all know is no guarantee. Knowing we’ll die uniquely defines us as humans. And facing this finitude, while it can be terrifying, can also offer us the opportunity to choose a real relationship with life, a life that includes an end.
Recognizing my summers are numbered, and they’re especially numbered in having both of my daughters at home and my Mom still active at aged eighty-five, I recently began a little challenge for myself-- “Abundant June”, (feel free to join in!) as a way to make some conscious choices to more meaningfully spend my time, and lower some tech use that isn’t particularly fulfilling.
There’s a concept called “the joy of missing out.” What we say no to (and we can’t say yes to everything) brings more meaning and joy to those things we say yes to.
I learned about the Weeks of my Life concept from a convocation speech when our older daughter began college. Referencing the book, “Four Thousand Weeks,” (see my book review below), the college president noted that with an average lifespan of eighty years, or just 4,000 weeks, my daughter’s college years will total only 120 weeks. In the scheme of things, it struck me as SO short! College was a big piece of the arc of my life, and yet only 120 weeks out of 4,000. The president highlighted that in that brief time there were more opportunities than the ability to take advantage of all of them, and that the secret to college would be not only to decide what to do, but also what to say no to. Great advice for all of us!
On one hand, we can look at our lives (especially when we’re young) as never-ending, with a far-off expiration date. Yet looking at the weeks of my life chart- I see that I’ve gone through a big chunk of it. In honest reflection, I also have a lot to show for it. I’ve got a timeline filled with many experiences, whether they be challenging, joyful, or mundane, and I have a fulfilling, satisfying life with many wonderful memories. If I live to 80 (U.S. white women average 79.3 years, while all other demographics are lower), it’s means that today I’ve gone through roughly 2,750 weeks or 69%, and I’ve got left 1,250 weeks or 31%. And yet, I still need to remember that I don’t even get one additional day guaranteed, nor do I get to determine my health and life situation for that possible remaining 31%. All good data for keeping it real.
Traveling with my Mom to Ireland in 2023
Another way to look at it is through blogger Tim Urban, with a concept called The Tail End. In this way, instead of measuring your life in units of time, you measure it in activities or events.
From this perspective, the time I’ve had with my daughters, now that they’re both adults, is mostly done. (I know, I know-- the big boomerang of adult children living with their parents is increasing). However, if they don’t happen to live close to home, and we only see each other once a month for two days each month, that puts me at 24 days a year, which if I live to 80, is 840 days left, which compared to 7,300 means I’ve already spent 87 percent and only have 13 percent of my cumulative time with them left. This helps me see that having them both home for the summer is quite precious, and I don’t want to squander it.
In another example, many of you know that I love to travel, especially of the adventurous sort that often requires a particular level of physical fitness, endurance and a fair amount of discomfort. Jon and I have recently begun prioritizing these trips based on how long we might be able to physically do them. Therefore, we’re making a big trip backpacking out West to the Sawtooth Mountains happen this summer, and next year, we hope to get to the mountains of Patagonia, before our knees and hips, etc. can’t take that kind of strenuous challenge. We figure that later on we might start paying for organized trips where bags get forwarded to the next inn, or we just hang out on a lake somewhere. We might even prefer that.
Of course, all this planning is just an illusion to have control over our future. As Burkeman states, “All a plan is, is a present-moment statement of intent. It’s an expression of your current thoughts about how you’d ideally like to deploy your modest influence over the future. The future, of course, is under no obligation to comply.”
Ultimately, I know my life is here now, a series of present moments that will cumulatively add up to “my life.” I notice I toggle my awareness between planning (after all I could live to 100), and presence (I could die tomorrow), and I aim to surf this line, looking forward where I’m going, yet feeling, right now, the streaming of my life energy while I ride the wave.
What about you? Any words of wisdom or perspective to share? Drop me a note, I’d love to hear.
Great Link
I’ve always been moved by this video by Prince Ea. “Can we Auto-correct Humanity?” Making choices of how not to spend our lives. Part of my Abundant June focus. (3:27)
Reflection Exercise:Moving from Theory to Action
To support you in spending your time in ways that are more fulfilling:
What emotions arise when you consider that you have approximately four thousand weeks to live? Do you find this inspiring, or depressing, or both? Why?
How can you differentiate between urgent tasks and important ones in your daily life?
How does FOMO impact your decisions and use of time? What strategies can you implement to focus on what truly matters to you, rather than being distracted by societal expectations or trends?
What steps can you take to use technology more mindfully and reduce its negative effects on your time?
How do your relationships influence your sense of time and fulfillment? What can you do to strengthen your connections with others and create meaningful experiences together?
Quarterly Quote
Each day I arise not knowing if I will die tomorrow or live to 100, which makes it hard to plan the day.
-Author unknown (but if you know, tell me!)
Book Review
Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
By: Oliver Burkeman
This is one of my favorite non-fiction books in the last few years, and I’ve shared it with many clients who’ve found it really helpful because it turns time management on its head. It offers readers a narrative shift in how we look at time and asserts that by embracing our finitude we can move to making better choices that leads to a more meaningful life.
There are so many good gems of insight, like this one I like to remind myself of. “At the end of your life, looking back, whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment is simply what your life will have been… so when you pay attention to something you don’t really value- you pay with your life.”
At the end Burkeman offers Ten Tools for Embracing your Finitude. Two I especially found valuable to me: #4,“Focus on what you’ve already completed, not just what’s left to complete.” (I tend to focus on what’s not done.) And #5, “Seek out novelty in the mundane.” (I’m trying to practice paying attention to every moment, even if it’s rote and mundane.) I guarantee there is something useful in here for everyone.