Turning the page to a new year
Shifting the focus from outcome to identity
Happy New Year! Yes, it’s the beginning of a new year, and wow, 2020 was a rough one. We’re not through it yet, but somehow starting a new year with a blank slate offers a lot of hope. What’s interesting when I think about goals is that it seems we often only focus on the outcome. “What do I want?” And that’s what gets us into the gym (pre-Covid, that is). But then things start to slide and before you know it, that gym membership is lost and we’re back to our usual selves. If that ever happens to you, you’re not alone. In fact, some research shows that most new year’s goals are abandoned by the third week of January. This is about the time when initial motivation wears off. The key, then isn’t to just focus on the beginning but to prepare for the middle, when the excitement wears off and where the rubber meets the road.
Distinction: Goal-setting vs. system-setting vs. identity-setting
Goals are about the results you want to achieve, while systems are about the processes that lead you to those results. The challenge to goal-setting is that often we’re focused on the outcome and the end result, but this can be hard to maintain because there’s a giant gap between where we are and where we want to be. Instead, breaking it down to the granular, behavioral level is going to help you build a habit that will sustain over the long-term. And what is going to fuel your behavior changes is to see yourself as the kind of person who does that activity (identity-setting), and then prove it by achieving small wins.
I remember when I worked in a large office in Washington, D.C., there seemed to be a birthday celebration with cake for someone each week. It was the afternoon, I like sweets, and there was always the temptation to have a piece. But that behavior didn’t serve my other health goals. Then one day it hit me-- it wasn’t even good cake, it was the grocery store kind, with the blue dye frosting, and wasn’t even satisfying when I had it. It was at that moment when I looked at a colleague who never took the cake, and I thought to myself, “I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t eat the office cake. I choose when I really want a special dessert, but otherwise, I eat nourishing food and I will focus on wishing the person Happy Birthday.”
I liked this identity, and every time I left the room not having had a piece of cake, it reinforced this identity. In addition, I set up a couple of systems goals: I stayed at the back of the room, rather than within arm’s reach of the dessert, and I made it a point to talk to people while we were together rather than on eating. Finally, I shared with a teammate my intention to avoid eating the cake, so I knew I had a pair of eyes watching me. (See more on the power of accountability partners in my last blog.)
In Atomic Habits, James Clear explains that goals are the outcome (what you get), systems are the process/actions (what you do), and identity is the narrative (what you believe about yourself). I invite you to really focus on all three as you envision a goal or two for 2021.
Moving from Theory To Action
To support you in visioning an identity in alignment with your goals:
Mixing it up a bit this time. If you haven’t seen this viral video, watch it first before you read below (2:41)
Imagine you are the grandfather:
Why do I really want this goal? Why is it important to me?
I want to be able to gift my granddaughter with a special Christmas star from our family. It is an important heirloom and I want her to have a wonderful memory of me giving it to her at Christmas.
What is the identity or the narrative I want to have about myself that is in alignment with this goal?
I’m the kind of grandfather who is active and strong and can lift her up to help her put the star on the Christmas tree.
What are the small wins I can put in place to prove I’m a strong, active grandfather?
I will lift the heavy hand weight every day, making small improvements until I can lift the kettle ball weight above my head. (and by Christmas Eve!)
Quarterly Quote
“If you change how you think, you change your mindset. If you change your mindset, you change your behaviors. If you change your behaviors, you change your habits. If you change your habits, you change your outcomes. If you change your outcomes, you change your life.” -Brianna Wiest
Book Club and Book Review
Caste: The Origins of our Discontent
by Isabel Wilkerson
Let’s start with a rave review by Oprah Winfrey who states “This might be the most important book I’ve ever chosen for my book club.” It’s considered the number one non-fiction book of the year by Time magazine and has received countless awards. In this book, Wilkerson demonstrates how America today and throughout its history has been shaped by a hidden caste system, a rigid hierarchy of human rankings comparable to India and Nazi Germany. It’s an eye-opening, uncomfortable book that reveals the damage this system has on everyone involved, but also provides hope in how to move forward, standing on a transparent facing of what lies under the surface of our society.